...so i went to a movie last night with my friend kelly, it was called 'love and other drugs', and wow what a deep movie, the jist of it is that she (anne hathaway) has parkinson's disease at 26, and he (jake gyllenhaal) a drug sales rep meet and try their best not to fall in love, it's sounds very formulaic but was surprisingly deep and got you thinking about what is important in life...
and it just made me think about everything that i have in my life, a healthy happy daughter, a husband that drives me nuts but I never doubt that he loves me, parents who taught me to be independent, hard working and respectful of others and support me no matter what, an amazing but crazy extended family, a beautiful home in a safe area, a huge group of friends with an interesting ever changing dynamic but who all have each others best interest at heart, a job that makes me happy with people that respect me, food in my fridge, a positive bank balance well except for my bond...
and i wake up every morning and without consciously deciding to, i worry about having more stuff, a pool, a bigger entertainment area, an extra fridge, new boots, another overseas holiday and more money. more money to save, more money to buy, more money to invest, more more more...
what i don't wake up an think, is omf i DON'T have to worry about... my baby having a terminal disease, my parents being financially dependent, my marriage being in trouble, my home being repossessed, having no friends to share my life with, being unemployed, being emotionally damaged from abuse, being uneducated, feeling hopeless...
...i think from now on, as much as i can, i'm gonna wake up in the morning and just be grateful, grateful for what i do have and what i don't have to worry about. enjoy today, it's like i keep waiting for the next thing before i'll be happy or life will really begin, wake fucking up, life is today, here, now...smile...
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
...so, not pregnant, woooohooo...
...never thought those words would ever come out of me in any format,
but as far as my master plan goes i guess that's what i wanted. the scary thing
is, is that there was a very slight chance that i was, talk about russian rolette,
i knew i shouldn't and technically it was a day too late but you just can never
know how fast those little buggers (pg13) can swim. not that i was secretly kind of
hoping or anything!!! but alas that crimson bitch reared her ugly head.
so my blog heading should've have read
...guess what chantelle found in her knickers this morning...
ha ha, not a kitty! that was my kitty sushi by the way, nestled in jp's
undies while he was sitting on the thrown. I rescued her from an spca
type place. since i grew up with cats and have been catless for the past
4 years, i desperately longed to be love/hated by a kitty once more.
so after a lot of negotiating with jp, and him saying no! i emailed EVERY
shelter and breeder of siamese kitties in the western cape, and then politely
phoned jp to tell him my kitty was ready and waiting for me, and then i still
had the cheek to get him to pick me up from work and drive me to bellville
to fetch her. needless to say, karma's a bitch, sushi loves him/hates me!!!
not even a f!@#$king siamese anyway!!!
so i have officially given her to siena who adores her and carries her around like
a broken rag doll - sushi seems to love it! so be it!...
but as far as my master plan goes i guess that's what i wanted. the scary thing
is, is that there was a very slight chance that i was, talk about russian rolette,
i knew i shouldn't and technically it was a day too late but you just can never
know how fast those little buggers (pg13) can swim. not that i was secretly kind of
hoping or anything!!! but alas that crimson bitch reared her ugly head.
so my blog heading should've have read
...guess what chantelle found in her knickers this morning...
ha ha, not a kitty! that was my kitty sushi by the way, nestled in jp's
undies while he was sitting on the thrown. I rescued her from an spca
type place. since i grew up with cats and have been catless for the past
4 years, i desperately longed to be love/hated by a kitty once more.
so after a lot of negotiating with jp, and him saying no! i emailed EVERY
shelter and breeder of siamese kitties in the western cape, and then politely
phoned jp to tell him my kitty was ready and waiting for me, and then i still
had the cheek to get him to pick me up from work and drive me to bellville
to fetch her. needless to say, karma's a bitch, sushi loves him/hates me!!!
not even a f!@#$king siamese anyway!!!
so i have officially given her to siena who adores her and carries her around like
a broken rag doll - sushi seems to love it! so be it!...
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thursday, February 10, 2011
...resistance is futile....
...so i started ovulating again today, my body and my mind are at war! for so long i've wanted to start trying for the next baby, and finally the timing is right. jp's on board, settled at work, siena's old enough, ok financially you never think you're ready but otherwise everything is saying yes, yes, yes, go forth and procreate! and i'm saying no! i think i've lost my mind, and at least twice this morning i had to stop myself from joining jp in the shower.
remember all the reasons that this is a good idea, i keep telling myself, read your previous blog entries...and then this obnoxious little voice in the back of my mind chirps up, 'don't believe everything you read!' does that apply to things you wrote yourself, i wonder? damn it! do i have the strength to say no, not now, maybe in two months time! if i can just resist for the next 2 days then i'll be safe until this time next month.
and isn't mother nature such a bitch, she teams your ovulation with this increased hormonal surge which makes resistance seem futile, impossible. well i'm not making any promises, we'll just have to see how the next 48 hours go...think cocktails in bali, think shellfish and sushi and cocktails, oh and think cocktails in bali...
remember all the reasons that this is a good idea, i keep telling myself, read your previous blog entries...and then this obnoxious little voice in the back of my mind chirps up, 'don't believe everything you read!' does that apply to things you wrote yourself, i wonder? damn it! do i have the strength to say no, not now, maybe in two months time! if i can just resist for the next 2 days then i'll be safe until this time next month.
and isn't mother nature such a bitch, she teams your ovulation with this increased hormonal surge which makes resistance seem futile, impossible. well i'm not making any promises, we'll just have to see how the next 48 hours go...think cocktails in bali, think shellfish and sushi and cocktails, oh and think cocktails in bali...
Friday, February 4, 2011
...!@#$%^, but on the bright side....
...so, impatient as i am, after my last blog entry, i went and bought a pregnancy test, i wasn't going to, i was gonna wait til monday, but then i stopped at this budget centre looking for things for a friends stork party invite, and there was this crappy pharmacy and the next thing i know, i'm buying a crappy pregnancy test in really badly designed packaging. so usually with these tests you gotta use your first morning weeeeeeee, so i happen to wake up at 3am desperate for a weeeeeeee, so not wanting to waste the good stuff, i do the test with one eye open at 3am, and nothing!!! not even the test strip that shows that the test is working??? wtf! so now i'm pissed! so in the morning i scratch through the bin to double check and there is the one line, wtf, so i assume i'm not pregnant, !@#$%^ that crappy test.
now in my misery yesterday, my parents and brother and his wife, jp and i go out for dinner to nonna lina's,(the best italian restaurant in ct) and i decide, !@#$%^ the diet i WANT pasta and tiramisu, DIVINE! so i get on the scale this morning dreading the outcome, and hey! beyond belief i'm down! think maybe i should eat pasta and tiramisu everyday.
so, there it is , or isn't (that crappy test may have been faulty, but i doubt it). so sex will just have to be sex, no counting days, no propping myself up with pillows, no getting my hopes up, two whole months!!! on the even brighter side, it seems i'll be ovulating in bali! woohooooooo a bali baby sounds very exotic and romantic. mmmmmmm does that mean i'll have to think of a balinese name not an italian name...
now in my misery yesterday, my parents and brother and his wife, jp and i go out for dinner to nonna lina's,(the best italian restaurant in ct) and i decide, !@#$%^ the diet i WANT pasta and tiramisu, DIVINE! so i get on the scale this morning dreading the outcome, and hey! beyond belief i'm down! think maybe i should eat pasta and tiramisu everyday.
so, there it is , or isn't (that crappy test may have been faulty, but i doubt it). so sex will just have to be sex, no counting days, no propping myself up with pillows, no getting my hopes up, two whole months!!! on the even brighter side, it seems i'll be ovulating in bali! woohooooooo a bali baby sounds very exotic and romantic. mmmmmmm does that mean i'll have to think of a balinese name not an italian name...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
...life's a bitch and so is my uterus...
...so got my period on thursday, which means i'm most probably not pregnant! so my uterus and i are not on speaking terms, well, unless you call swearing and cursing, speaking terms, cause then i'm speaking, my uterus hasn't dared reply. i feel like boycotting the entire reproductive system from my ovaries all the way down to my, for lack of a better word, vaJJ. guess that would be like cutting off your nose to spite your face. just don't think she should be rewarded for non performance and a substandard attitude, i'm a designer for god's sakes i work to deadlines!!!
so i'll do a pregnancy test on monday, just in case it's the same situation as siena, the 'psuedo period', but alas i've decided that if i am not pregnant, we're gonna wait until april to try again, why you may ask, two reasons, firstly i would prefer to not have a child in nov/dec as children born in the later half of the year statistically struggle emotionally and academically in school, now there's a 50/50 chance they'd get my amazing genes in the brains department, which would render the entire subject mute, but not willing to risk it! secondly then we can live it up in bali, eat drink and be merry, and not have to worry about passing out on the plane either. then the third reason, something to consider if you're thinking of trying for a baby soon, check your medical aid and how much they cover, you can take gap cover for the difference or a hospital insurance policy that pays out cash when you're in hospital, BUT both have a 12 month waiting period til birth!
so, watch this space, maybe it'll be happy unexpected news, in which case i'll spoil my vaJJ for job well done, and to apologise for the swearing, or it'll be the expected one stripe/negative and i may be miserable and sulky for a while.
have an amazing nutella fudge recipe, so if it's negative, a condolence chocolate fudge for my aching heart! maybe a congratulatory chocolate fudge...mmm...either way i eat fudge, i like this plan...
so i'll do a pregnancy test on monday, just in case it's the same situation as siena, the 'psuedo period', but alas i've decided that if i am not pregnant, we're gonna wait until april to try again, why you may ask, two reasons, firstly i would prefer to not have a child in nov/dec as children born in the later half of the year statistically struggle emotionally and academically in school, now there's a 50/50 chance they'd get my amazing genes in the brains department, which would render the entire subject mute, but not willing to risk it! secondly then we can live it up in bali, eat drink and be merry, and not have to worry about passing out on the plane either. then the third reason, something to consider if you're thinking of trying for a baby soon, check your medical aid and how much they cover, you can take gap cover for the difference or a hospital insurance policy that pays out cash when you're in hospital, BUT both have a 12 month waiting period til birth!
so, watch this space, maybe it'll be happy unexpected news, in which case i'll spoil my vaJJ for job well done, and to apologise for the swearing, or it'll be the expected one stripe/negative and i may be miserable and sulky for a while.
have an amazing nutella fudge recipe, so if it's negative, a condolence chocolate fudge for my aching heart! maybe a congratulatory chocolate fudge...mmm...either way i eat fudge, i like this plan...
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
...don't get my hopes up...
so it's tuesday before thursday where i usually well, you know. by today i normally showing the tell tale signs and my breasts are usually super-tender, but nothing yet, could it be...no, let me not get my hopes up just yet...
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